Are Apologies Heard in Heaven?

Spring break gives me a chance to slow down, and slowing down allows me to think, and thinking these days is not recommended for me. I am at "that" age, the change is upon me, as my mother might say.  She would rarely use the word menopause, but I am approaching that stage of my life; the signs have been more and more evident. As my schedule has allowed for thinking this week, I realize that my brain doesn't say much that is nice. It is time to do something about that, but that is not the reason for this post.


My symptoms have caused me to wonder how my mother handled her menopausal period of life? What were her symptoms? How long did it last? As I thought about my mom, I realized how little attention I paid to my mom and her emotional well-being when I was at home. She had five kids; she had cancer at 40, again in her fifties, and again at 70 when the cancer finally killed her. Reflecting on all this allow me to see how selfish I was back then. I don't ever remember wondering how my mom felt about anything. It wasn't until my eldest was headed to college that I wondered how my mom handled two girls leaving for college on the same day. Mom died four years before my first went to college—I knew how I felt letting one go away, it was too late to ask her how she had felt on that day. And now, ten years later, it is too late to ask her about "the change" too.

More importantly, it is too late for me to apologize for being so self-centered and oblivious to her emotional needs for so long. All week I have prayed for understanding. Understanding of what is happening to me and understanding from those around me. I have prayed for clarity of thought and it has brought me to the place where I wonder if she can hear my apology in heaven. The best apology I know is to rise up and call her blessed. And so, with the following quote from Scripture, I apologize mom, and pray you will be with me through this stressful time of my life.

She watches over the affairs of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness. 

Her children arise and call her blessed; 

   her husband also, and he praises her: 

“Many women do noble things, 

   but you surpass them all.” 

(Proverbs 31:27-29 NIV)

And my mom surpassed them all.